Transvestites

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Transvestites; men in disguise
Topic Started: Jul 27 2007, 07:13 PM (903 Views)
King Science	Jul 27 2007, 07:13 PM Post #1
Mooncup Posts: 17,865 Group: Members Member #28 Joined: June 23, 2006	no smoking Michael no smoking Bay. This film was a list of reasons why the man shouldn't be allowed to direct. All he seems able to do reasonably well is film people walking out of fog in slow motion, or do sweeping panoramics of American Military Might. They spent fully 10 minutes playing Transformers hide and seek, for christ's sake. The action sequences were ok, mind, if rather confusing.
	an incredibly lurid close-up of an anus.


Timmo	Jul 27 2007, 07:14 PM Post #2
Word. Posts: 9,282 Group: Members Member #27 Joined: June 20, 2006	Actually bad, or cynical ennui-soaked bad?



Grampa Boylove	Jul 27 2007, 07:15 PM Post #3
Completely broken Posts: 19,151 Group: Geighs Member #4 Joined: May 27, 2005	It looks good.
	crimes: non-sequitur, inappropriate pretend friendliness, hateful face, haircut


dng	Jul 27 2007, 07:16 PM Post #4
Black President Posts: 31,730 Group: Morans Member #19 Joined: December 12, 2005	gravid said it was shit



dng	Jul 27 2007, 07:17 PM Post #5
Black President Posts: 31,730 Group: Morans Member #19 Joined: December 12, 2005	gravid is never wrong



King Science	Jul 27 2007, 07:21 PM Post #6
Mooncup Posts: 17,865 Group: Members Member #28 Joined: June 23, 2006	OH man, i guess it's alright. But you come out thinking about how if they'd cut out all the stupid unnecessary 'comedy' shit, actually made the tone a bit more serious so that we might take the deceptecons seriously as baddies, and maybe put in one or two half decent fights then they could have had a mega brill film. As it is, I came out feeling like I'd only seen half the film I wanted to see, despite it lasting over two hours. Also, it features hacker-talk that is even more ridiculous than die hard 4.
	an incredibly lurid close-up of an anus.


dng	Jul 27 2007, 07:22 PM Post #7
Black President Posts: 31,730 Group: Morans Member #19 Joined: December 12, 2005	Is Optimus Prime still essentially David Hasselhoff?



Timmo	Jul 27 2007, 07:24 PM Post #8
Word. Posts: 9,282 Group: Members Member #27 Joined: June 20, 2006	Sam Square Jul 27 2007, 07:21 PM Also, it features hacker-talk that is even more ridiculous than die hard 4. "I'm removing his firewall - with a grenade!"



King Science	Jul 27 2007, 07:25 PM Post #9
Mooncup Posts: 17,865 Group: Members Member #28 Joined: June 23, 2006	Prime isn't actually in the film all that much, at least not as a robot. He does keep encouraging the main character to push something into his chest, though. The main character is called Sam, which is double excellent. And having both megatron and starscream as jets is very confusing. Though not as confusing as when half the deceptecons just suddenly appear out of nowhere about an hour and a half through the film.
	an incredibly lurid close-up of an anus.


Timmo	Jul 27 2007, 07:25 PM Post #10
Word. Posts: 9,282 Group: Members Member #27 Joined: June 20, 2006	"I've programmed his base to explode when he boots up Minesweeper!"



Grampa Boylove	Jul 27 2007, 07:26 PM Post #11
Completely broken Posts: 19,151 Group: Geighs Member #4 Joined: May 27, 2005	As long as they're still calling thier eyes thier 'optics' I'm sold.
	crimes: non-sequitur, inappropriate pretend friendliness, hateful face, haircut


Timmo	Jul 27 2007, 07:26 PM Post #12
Word. Posts: 9,282 Group: Members Member #27 Joined: June 20, 2006	"Set hard drives to stun!"



dng	Jul 27 2007, 07:29 PM Post #13
Black President Posts: 31,730 Group: Morans Member #19 Joined: December 12, 2005	I liked it in Heroes the other night when the girl said "Look its a miniature hard drive" when she found a memory card in some gravel



King Science	Jul 27 2007, 07:32 PM Post #14
Mooncup Posts: 17,865 Group: Members Member #28 Joined: June 23, 2006	Unsurprisingly, there is only 1 hacker in the world who can break their signal. Unsurprisingly, he lives with his mother. Surprisingly, he turns out to be the fat one out of keenan and kel.
	an incredibly lurid close-up of an anus.


King Science	Jul 27 2007, 07:32 PM Post #15
Mooncup Posts: 17,865 Group: Members Member #28 Joined: June 23, 2006	Also, this film features arguably the first ever scene of a transformer urinating.
	an incredibly lurid close-up of an anus.


King Science	Jul 27 2007, 07:34 PM Post #16
Mooncup Posts: 17,865 Group: Members Member #28 Joined: June 23, 2006	The best thing about it was probably the teaser trailer for some unnamed film by JJ Abrams. Unlike many trailers, it doesn't actually give away the entire plot of the film in 3 minutes, thus negating any point of you seeing it.
	an incredibly lurid close-up of an anus.


Timmo	Jul 27 2007, 07:36 PM Post #17
Word. Posts: 9,282 Group: Members Member #27 Joined: June 20, 2006	piss



dng	Jul 27 2007, 07:37 PM Post #18
Black President Posts: 31,730 Group: Morans Member #19 Joined: December 12, 2005	This one? http://n3ta.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=7777



dng	Jul 27 2007, 07:37 PM Post #19
Black President Posts: 31,730 Group: Morans Member #19 Joined: December 12, 2005	I like how it is just the monster from lost, but in new york



King Science	Jul 27 2007, 07:49 PM Post #20
Mooncup Posts: 17,865 Group: Members Member #28 Joined: June 23, 2006	I dunno, as annoying as I found lost, it is quite refreshing to have stuff actually left to your imagination, instead of the terrific disappointment of most CG beasties.
	an incredibly lurid close-up of an anus.


Violence Spencer	Jul 27 2007, 08:05 PM Post #21
He's not even French! Posts: 1,980 Group: Members Member #59 Joined: October 20, 2006	I thought the Transformers film was fairly decent, considering who was in charge of it. My ideal film would have something similar to the recent comic book series from IDW as the plot, but only about 38 people would go and see it. And, despite everything, hearing Optimus Prime - THE Optimus Prime - say "One shall stand, one shall fall" sent shivers down my spine.



hoofs	Jul 27 2007, 08:12 PM Post #22
awful tool Posts: 1,925 Group: Members Member #97 Joined: December 12, 2006	I thought that it was generally good, but had the 'Star Wars - Episode One' treatment, with the insertion of stupid 'comedy' scenes like the robo-piss and the Deceptecon stupidity. Also, you are all right. It did drag on un-neccesarily in some bits.



Violence Spencer	Jul 27 2007, 08:18 PM Post #23
He's not even French! Posts: 1,980 Group: Members Member #59 Joined: October 20, 2006	Yeah, the constant changes in tone and the 'comedy' bits rather detracted from it. I hear that the postulated sequel(s) will have more robots and less generic crap, on account of them now having the basic Transformers special effects. Also, next film (if any) may well feature the Dinobots.



hoofs	Jul 27 2007, 08:31 PM Post #24
awful tool Posts: 1,925 Group: Members Member #97 Joined: December 12, 2006	Yes! I had a few dinobot toys. They were lovely. Also: Is it just me (yes) or did the transformers' eyes look too 'real'? I'd have prefered them looking more simplistic like the comics



Gimli	Jul 27 2007, 08:36 PM Post #25
▄█▀ █▬█ █ ▀█▀ Posts: 4,637 Group: Geighs Member #118 Joined: April 9, 2007	I thought it was no smoking rubbish. It wasn't interesting or exciting enough to be a dumb action movie for grown ups, and it wasn't funny or silly enough to be a kids movie. It basically fails whichever way you look at it. And the robo-piss was just the tip of the iceberg in terms of horrible comedy. For two and a half hours of length, it certainly doesn't seem like very much happens. Also, point the camera at something for more than 0.00003333 recurring of a second please, Mr Bay, so we might actually have a chance of understanding what's meant to be going on.
	Now, this is before adjusting for inflation. However - these figures have been up on the BBC's site since this morning, it's just only now that they've 'clicked' with me - and of course, it's currently midnight, meaning that it's still only 4pm on the US west coast. I would strongly, strongly expect for it to have taken enough since the BBC article first went up, to counter-effect inflation.


hoofs	Jul 27 2007, 08:40 PM Post #26
awful tool Posts: 1,925 Group: Members Member #97 Joined: December 12, 2006	Dog Of Flame Jul 27 2007, 08:36 PM Also, point the camera at something for more than 0.00003333 recurring of a second please, Mr Bay, so we might actually have a chance of understanding what's meant to be going on. Yes. This. (But, the eyesssss)



Mink La Rynx	Jul 27 2007, 08:41 PM Post #27
looks exactly like a possum Posts: 3,199 Group: Members Member #43 Joined: September 26, 2006	Yes, their faces did look funny. Especially Optimus, he wasn't nearly as handsome as he should have been. It was quite good though, really. The AIRQUOTES plot AIRQUOTES bits were all a little boring, but all the bits where the Transformers are tearing it up are aces. Visual treats! I liked the bit where Ironhide (or was it Jazz?) used his plasma cannons to help him perform a neat arab spring. Transformer gymnastics. Excellent. Actually I think they all must have gone to America via France for a stay with S�bastien Foucan first, they were very light on their feet.



Mink La Rynx	Jul 27 2007, 08:42 PM Post #28
looks exactly like a possum Posts: 3,199 Group: Members Member #43 Joined: September 26, 2006	Also, the second best bit was the static ad when we went in that said Quote: This is a no smoking cinema.



Gimli	Jul 27 2007, 08:52 PM Post #29
▄█▀ █▬█ █ ▀█▀ Posts: 4,637 Group: Geighs Member #118 Joined: April 9, 2007	See, I just found the actiony bits incomprehensible and artificially truncated. There wasn't enough focus on one particular thing at any one particular time to build any atmosphere or tension or excitement. The ADD camera work pretty much ruled that out. The robot designs grew on me over the course of the film, but I thought they worked really badly in the action scenes because it turned into random blurs of angular metal shards and it was really hard telling one from another, as minkee has demonstrated. It was Ironhide that did the rocket jump flip, I've been able to discover, and Jazz that was fucked up bad style by Megatron, but you'd never no smoking know it from watching it. I watched The Transporter again last week, by contrast, and I can't help thinking how much better an action movie that was than Transformers in spite of having probably 1 per cent of the budget.
	Now, this is before adjusting for inflation. However - these figures have been up on the BBC's site since this morning, it's just only now that they've 'clicked' with me - and of course, it's currently midnight, meaning that it's still only 4pm on the US west coast. I would strongly, strongly expect for it to have taken enough since the BBC article first went up, to counter-effect inflation.


hoofs	Jul 27 2007, 08:55 PM Post #30
awful tool Posts: 1,925 Group: Members Member #97 Joined: December 12, 2006


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